Last Day Of College?!?

This year has been ... A journey? I've had a rough year at college not Being able to cope with college or with myself if I being honest. I've hit a new low even for me. I'm so glad to of finished college because my exams are over and I should be feeling relaxed. But after today I feel more down and stressed then I did before. All I've done since I've got home is cry and lie on the sofa doing nothing. I mean it's officially the first day of summer and I'm feeling down? What is wrong with me?

Ever since my exams are finished I've felt worse. I know it should be this huge sigh of relief but it really wasn't like that. It started when my friends well... Stoped being my friends. There are these two people I was particularly close with at college. One is amazingly smart and always knows what to do and the other... Well he's just a bit of a moron but in a good way. A few months ago they started to leave me out of things. They hang out a lot more than they did normally by themselves, ignored me and just generally didn't make me feel wanted at all. Now I'm the type of girl who constantly compares myself to others and sees my failures before anything else so seeing these two having there own little thing going on made me feel like it was my fault and people didn't want to spend time with me. Then gradually more of me friends stopped caring, stop caring why I was constantly upset or why I felt like and outsider to my so called friends. This made me feel so much worse about myself than I ever have before. I tried talking to my two close friends but they acted like I was being a stroppy bi**h and because I didn't want to lose them or stand up to them I just agreed. This made me feel so small and insignificant to everyone because I guess they told everyone I was like that so e Rhine treated me like I was in the wrong when I genuinely felt this way. 

I feel relieved about leaving college but at the same time I feel like I have no reason to get up or do anything this summer. What the point if I don't have anyone to share it with. They didn't even say goodbye to me today which makes me think I'm not wanted at all. They don't see what to see what I see ... No one ever backs me up in these things and it always seems like it's my fault. I know I seem like a stroppy teenager right now but I'm too awkward to make a new set of friends which means that in going to be all alone next year. I hear all these amazing things from another friend at another college. About her boyfriend, her amazing friends and all these parties she gets invited too. That was pretty much me a year ago and look at me now? All I seem to do is mess up all the good things I have in my life and all I do is sit there and watch it crumble around me. 

So am excited college is over ... Hell yeah! But at the same time I'm sad. It means the only person I. Going to be hanging out with all summer is my mum. Don't get me wrong my mum is the person I rely on the most but I need some fried a whi care about me. 

Let me know if you've had friends like this in the past or are dealing with this now. 

Speak to you soon, 
Love Georgie xxx

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